After seeing some people making a list of 100 things they want to do before they die, I thought it would be fun to make one for myself too.

But honestly, 100 things feels like a lot for me. I do have more than 100 things I want to do, but I don’t believe I can do that much. Of course, I don’t have to do all of them, but making such a long list when I might end up doing only a small part of it doesn’t feel like the best idea either.

Funny how the old me would make lists of 200 or 300 things to feel motivated — to push myself to do more and become better. But these days, I’d rather take it a little easier. I’m trying to write down what I genuinely feel, rather than what I think I should want or be able to do. And that doesn't makes me feel like a loser. It probably would have before, but now I’m more comfortable with it.

Maybe I don’t think I still have what it takes to do all of them. Maybe I just don’t see my life as having endless potential anymore. I’m not trying to sound dramatic, just saying it with honesty and acceptance. Maybe I’m trying to find some peace with being a normal person, living a normal life, and being grateful for it. But trust I'll keep trying to do the best work I can and make the most of my time while I'm here.

So I decided to make two lists instead: 50 Things I want to do and 50 Things I’ve experienced. The second list is basically a reflection of beautifully (sad) life-changing experiences that shifted my perspective and shaped who I am today. All of them are important, but some I really wish had never happened. Life certainly has a way of giving us experiences we never planned for. I guess that’s the thing about life: We can make all the lists we want, but we never really know what’s coming next.

These lists aren't meant to be complete, and I’m not trying to rush through it. I’d like to take my time, think things through, and let it grow naturally. I’ll probably keep adding, removing, and changing things along the way — and I’m okay with not figuring it all out.

If you’re a friend reading this, feel free to make any suggestions and tell me what you think.

50 Things I Want to Do Before My Time Is Up

1. Study for a Master's degree
2. Live in a different country
3. Visit 5+ countries
4. Visit Europe
5. Go solo traveling for at least 2 weeks
6. Fall in love
7. Get married
8. Learn to speak conversational Chinese
9. Learn the fundamentals of photography and become comfortable taking pictures
10. Have a home of my own
11. Truly finish reading and engaging with the Bible
12. Have a dog and a cat of my own
13. Listen to Shawn Mendes live in concert
14. Build a fit and healthy body I feel good living in
15. Build a small business of my own
16. Visit one or, if I'm lucky, a few of the Seven Wonders of the World
17. Surprise a long-distance friend with a visit (would be so much fun, although I don’t even have a close LD friend right now)
18. Climb a majestic mountain peak
19. Take a stranger in need out for a meal, have a drink together, and hear their story
20. Treat my family to an overseas trip
21. Sponsor a child in need
22. Camp out under the stars to watch a meteor shower
23. Get passionate about piano again and get better at understanding music and playing the piano
24. Watch a football game in England or Spain
25. Write a book
26. Run a marathon

50 Things I've Experienced That Changed My Life

1. Survived a near-death accident that almost cost me my leg and left me needing lifelong physical therapy
2. Spent three months unable to move, not even able to sit up by myself, after the accident
3. Underwent 3 extensive surgeries (so far) to address the injuries
4. Took a year off work for treatment and recovery
5. Doing physical therapy almost everday to improve the movement in my elbow
6. Finally moved past five years of depression, leaving everything behind to feel alive and happy again
7. Let go of the special ones, knowing I’ve learned my lessons, and somehow the universe wouldn’t let our paths cross again